Tuesday, January 28, 2014

A fish out of water...

C: Have a good Day 2 tomorrow.
Me: Thanks.
C: Try not to terrify those tech nerds.
Me: I don't terrify anybody.
C: Yes, you do.

Yesterday was my first day at my new gig. To be honest, it felt like college all over again. Except unlike college, I cared very little about taking notes. I was also the old kid in class. And I was very familiar with how to bend rules.

Kid: You got a PC? I didn't know that was an option.
Me: It wasn't. I wrote in the comment box that I wanted a PC.
Kid: Is that okay?
Me: I learned at an early age that you should get what you want.

I was in a room full of freshly graduated software programmers and engineers. They were all toting around these TimBuk2 satchels and wearing fleece vests - which apparently is the uniform for geeks. I brought my LV bag because I was trying to be more conservative, but that backfired pretty quickly. 

Teacher: Does anyone have any questions?
Me: I can't connect to the wireless internet.
Seatmate: Did you click on the wireless switch?
Me: Do I have a "retard" sticker on my forehead?
 SM: Did you click on anything?
Me: This is not a user error. Your questions are offensive.

I had my computer confiscated only a few hours after I received it. Let's just leave it at that. The point is, I didn't have a computer.

Me: I need a computer.
Tech: Which one do you have now?
Me: I don't have one.
Tech: Okay, which one do you want?
Me: What is the sexiest PC you have available?
Tech: Hmm... the X1 Carbon, but people don't normally get those.
Me: That's the one I want.

I convinced the Tech guy to add an "extremely urgent" sticker on my purchase order so hopefully I'll get my new toy today. I also figured out how to order my own stuff. Despite the constant slew of confirmation emails, something tells me that I'm not following normal protocol. Let's see how many of the tablets I just ordered actually arrive.

Teacher: Click on additional skills you'd like to build.
Me: What are some examples?
Teacher: The page will show you some that cater to your needs.
Me: Mine says, "Diversity Awareness."
Seatmate: Mine doesn't.
Me: My page is being an asshole. I have great diversity awareness.
SM: Maybe you should add "Self Awareness."
Me: Maybe you should add "Ability to keep your opinion to yourself."

I also have to say that I've impressed myself with my abilities to be social over the past two days by trekking my ass to SF at night... though at this point, I'm pretty sure my seatmate is tired of waking me up every ten minutes. It just solidified the fact that living in SF is the right choice for me. Special thanks to Willis for responding to be desperate cries for help.

Still alive and moving the rest of the way to the Bay in 30 days! Congratulate me.

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