H: Oh, you're back. How was your vacation?
Me: It wasn't a vacation.
H: Must be nice to have to go on vacation for work.
Me: Don't be an asshole.
I just recently got back from a 26-day trip around the world. Let me assure you that the vast majority of the time was spent working on a Super Sexy Secret Project for the big G. Yea, if anyone asks, it's a big fucking deal.
Anyway, this was probably the biggest trip I've taken alone since I learned how to book flights - which was when I was 14 and flew to Detroit by myself. I'm so brave. And I also wanted to see 98 Degrees in concert. Don't judge me.
C: You're just a solitary creature to begin with.
Me: I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before.
But I thought about it, and it's true. I prefer to travel either alone, or with one other person - named Peggy.
Throughout my travels, I had a lot of time for introspection and all that bullshit. And there are 3 things (heh) that I realized about myself - and are probably the reasons I am unattached or only prefer to hang out with the one person who may share these exact same characteristics.
1. I am a mean person
K: Why do you think you're a mean person?
Me: Because I'm incapable of lying. So if I think you're dumb, I tend to say things that make it clear that I think so.
K: How is that a bad thing?
Me: Because I feel like everyone is dumb.
K: You going for a run?
Me: Yea, wanna come?
K: I'm going to wait till I get a girlfriend and then go run with her.
Me: Oh, okay, so never. Got it.
K: You're so mean.
2. I want to see everything
S: I used to like traveling a lot, and then every place started looking the same.
Me: Yea, I get that. But I still want to travel everywhere, see the culture, eat the food, you know. The whole shit.
S: It'll all have to stop once you get married and have kids.
Me: I will never stop. Marriage and kids will have to be okay with it.
3. I truly believe LA is the best city in the whole world
* replace LA with NYC for Peggy
G: What's there to do in SF?
Me: Absolutely nothing. #LA4lyf
Me: Sometimes I'll randomly thank my parents for birthing me in LA. I mean, that's the sort of thing you have no control over. God let me be born in LA. That makes me pretty lucky.
D: That's so ridiculous.
Me: I know, what are the chances? I could've been born in Africa or like... in some bumfuck countryside.
D: That's not what I meant.
That said... all my travels (and attitude problem) aside, there is still a small part of me that believes I'm not alone in my thinking. That there is someone out there who is clever enough to shoot shit back at an impressive speed, be okay with traveling like a college student, and love LA like it was their hot-yet-still-brilliant-mistress-but-actually-wife. You know?
But till then, wanderlust it is... while still maintaining the #worldsgreatestjob and working on my #supersexysecretproject.
WORLD TOUR.
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