I feel like I've been in this perpetual Budweiser commercial where they keep pounding it into your brain that anything can happen... if you have a beer.
Now replace "beer" with "whiskey" and "Budweiser commercial" with "my past week."
It all started on Tuesday when I woke up after an epic long weekend... and I have this exchange with CL.
CL: Is it cool if I stay with you?
Me: Sure.
CL: Booked. I'm coming up.
Me: When?
CL: Tonight. I land at 9:15pm.
Yea. Background story, CL grew up in Houston and apparently, it was a big deal for her to come up and watch her team lose. Sorry, CL.
K: You're coming to the game with us, right?
Me: Why don't we just wait until the Finals?
K: We can go to the Finals, too.
Me: Oh yea, okay, sure. Because we're ballers, shot callers.
K: You have to come with us.
Me: Fine.
RY: It's okay to have a fling with the Warriors but don't forget your Lakers.
Me: You try not to think about your wife when you're with your chick on the side.
Fast forward to Wednesday when we actually end up buying tickets at the last minute and go to the game.
AC: You want a beer?
Me: No.
AC: What do you want then?
Me: Bulleit and Ginger.
AC: Bourbon?
Me: I'll admit to liking Bourbon over Scotch.
AC: I already know what type of girl you are.
Me: Which is?
AC: Korean.
Me: You're a quick one.
The Dubs won, in case you didn't know. And CL went on a bender, which of course, leads to late-night pho.
Me: Where are we going? I've been in this car forever.
AC: We're gonna get pho.
Me: If we're not there in 30 seconds, I'm getting out of this car.
AC: Seriously?
Me: 30! 29! 28!
CL: You better get her some pho.
Thursday. Woke up droggy and missed the shuttle. First for everything. Called in sick and managed to feel better by the afternoon in time to see daylight outside.
CL: What a great weekend!
Me: It's Thursday.
CL: Hahaha... oh yeah...
CL: Take me somewhere I won't buy anything.
Me: Okay, let's go to Prada.
CL: Oh, nice.
I accidentally bought a bag. Oops. In my defense, it was on sale. And honestly, I don't need to defend myself when buying anything Prada. I take care of myself nicely.
Then I randomly found myself at a Korean concert last night. We went to Playground afterwards - haven't been since college - and got sized up by a girl I haven't seen since high school. I didn't even bother to get annoyed by it. I also won't quote anything from that conversation because it's too incriminating on my personal life. Let's just say she tried to discourage my life choices. Hahaha...
Friday. Woke up dazed and confused, and missed the shuttle AGAIN. Apparently, things can happen two days in a row.
AC: Are you still riding that struggle bus?
Me: Yes. It's not stopping. And I've been pulling the fucking chord all morning.
Me: I'm such a shit show right now.
JS: You're never a shit show.
Me: Thanks for saying that even after having seen so many of my episodes.
JS: We all have episodes. It's part of our friendship.
Me: The good news is that I still look good.
And now it's the start of the weekend and my Budweiser commercial is still going on.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
And the girl goes on a World Tour
H: Oh, you're back. How was your vacation?
Me: It wasn't a vacation.
H: Must be nice to have to go on vacation for work.
Me: Don't be an asshole.
I just recently got back from a 26-day trip around the world. Let me assure you that the vast majority of the time was spent working on a Super Sexy Secret Project for the big G. Yea, if anyone asks, it's a big fucking deal.
Anyway, this was probably the biggest trip I've taken alone since I learned how to book flights - which was when I was 14 and flew to Detroit by myself. I'm so brave. And I also wanted to see 98 Degrees in concert. Don't judge me.
C: You're just a solitary creature to begin with.
Me: I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before.
But I thought about it, and it's true. I prefer to travel either alone, or with one other person - named Peggy.
Throughout my travels, I had a lot of time for introspection and all that bullshit. And there are 3 things (heh) that I realized about myself - and are probably the reasons I am unattached or only prefer to hang out with the one person who may share these exact same characteristics.
1. I am a mean person
K: Why do you think you're a mean person?
Me: Because I'm incapable of lying. So if I think you're dumb, I tend to say things that make it clear that I think so.
K: How is that a bad thing?
Me: Because I feel like everyone is dumb.
K: You going for a run?
Me: Yea, wanna come?
K: I'm going to wait till I get a girlfriend and then go run with her.
Me: Oh, okay, so never. Got it.
K: You're so mean.
2. I want to see everything
S: I used to like traveling a lot, and then every place started looking the same.
Me: Yea, I get that. But I still want to travel everywhere, see the culture, eat the food, you know. The whole shit.
S: It'll all have to stop once you get married and have kids.
Me: I will never stop. Marriage and kids will have to be okay with it.
3. I truly believe LA is the best city in the whole world
* replace LA with NYC for Peggy
G: What's there to do in SF?
Me: Absolutely nothing. #LA4lyf
Me: Sometimes I'll randomly thank my parents for birthing me in LA. I mean, that's the sort of thing you have no control over. God let me be born in LA. That makes me pretty lucky.
D: That's so ridiculous.
Me: I know, what are the chances? I could've been born in Africa or like... in some bumfuck countryside.
D: That's not what I meant.
That said... all my travels (and attitude problem) aside, there is still a small part of me that believes I'm not alone in my thinking. That there is someone out there who is clever enough to shoot shit back at an impressive speed, be okay with traveling like a college student, and love LA like it was their hot-yet-still-brilliant-mistress-but-actually-wife. You know?
But till then, wanderlust it is... while still maintaining the #worldsgreatestjob and working on my #supersexysecretproject.
WORLD TOUR.
Me: It wasn't a vacation.
H: Must be nice to have to go on vacation for work.
Me: Don't be an asshole.
I just recently got back from a 26-day trip around the world. Let me assure you that the vast majority of the time was spent working on a Super Sexy Secret Project for the big G. Yea, if anyone asks, it's a big fucking deal.
Anyway, this was probably the biggest trip I've taken alone since I learned how to book flights - which was when I was 14 and flew to Detroit by myself. I'm so brave. And I also wanted to see 98 Degrees in concert. Don't judge me.
C: You're just a solitary creature to begin with.
Me: I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before.
But I thought about it, and it's true. I prefer to travel either alone, or with one other person - named Peggy.
Throughout my travels, I had a lot of time for introspection and all that bullshit. And there are 3 things (heh) that I realized about myself - and are probably the reasons I am unattached or only prefer to hang out with the one person who may share these exact same characteristics.
1. I am a mean person
K: Why do you think you're a mean person?
Me: Because I'm incapable of lying. So if I think you're dumb, I tend to say things that make it clear that I think so.
K: How is that a bad thing?
Me: Because I feel like everyone is dumb.
K: You going for a run?
Me: Yea, wanna come?
K: I'm going to wait till I get a girlfriend and then go run with her.
Me: Oh, okay, so never. Got it.
K: You're so mean.
2. I want to see everything
S: I used to like traveling a lot, and then every place started looking the same.
Me: Yea, I get that. But I still want to travel everywhere, see the culture, eat the food, you know. The whole shit.
S: It'll all have to stop once you get married and have kids.
Me: I will never stop. Marriage and kids will have to be okay with it.
3. I truly believe LA is the best city in the whole world
* replace LA with NYC for Peggy
G: What's there to do in SF?
Me: Absolutely nothing. #LA4lyf
Me: Sometimes I'll randomly thank my parents for birthing me in LA. I mean, that's the sort of thing you have no control over. God let me be born in LA. That makes me pretty lucky.
D: That's so ridiculous.
Me: I know, what are the chances? I could've been born in Africa or like... in some bumfuck countryside.
D: That's not what I meant.
That said... all my travels (and attitude problem) aside, there is still a small part of me that believes I'm not alone in my thinking. That there is someone out there who is clever enough to shoot shit back at an impressive speed, be okay with traveling like a college student, and love LA like it was their hot-yet-still-brilliant-mistress-but-actually-wife. You know?
But till then, wanderlust it is... while still maintaining the #worldsgreatestjob and working on my #supersexysecretproject.
WORLD TOUR.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Greater than the sum of its parts
"Today is the best day of my life!!!"
I shouted that in the middle of NikeTown when the Sales Associate handed me a pair of shoes that I for sure thought was sold out. I even gave her a hug.
Yesterday was seriously one of the best days. I know winning small battles doesn't win the war, but it sure makes a girl happy.
First Win Of The Day
Going to the China Consulate is like being transported straight into China because (1) no one speaks English and (2) no one stands in line. Good thing is you don't need either to get shit done... just like in China! Shimmied to the front, handed money, got passport, done. I think I impressed a Chinese grandma that was there because she looked at me with anger, which I interpreted as praise.
Second Win Of The Day
I realized I'm a half-size bigger in Nikes. Both shoes out of stock everywhere. SOL, right? WRONG! The Sales Associate somehow managed to find not one, but BOTH pairs of sickass Nike kicks hiding in the back room. To a runner, new Nikes is better than... yea.
Third Win Of The Day
My subway ride home from NikeTown was considered a transfer since I was there less than two hours. Again, small win but shit. It feels good to save $2.25.
Fourth Win Of The Day
I had the best instructor at SoulCycle. He was gay and he was fabulous.
Instructor: The other day I got super drunk at the airport and decided it'd be fun to flirt with this girl who was sitting by herself and get her number. She ended up giving it to me and I thought, "Heeeeeey, still got it!"
By the way, my team told me they found my blog and read it.
G: Are you upset we found it and read it?
Me: No, I'm flattered. Aren't I funny?
G: You are!
Me: I'm also extremely narcissistic. Anyway, get back to work.
I shouted that in the middle of NikeTown when the Sales Associate handed me a pair of shoes that I for sure thought was sold out. I even gave her a hug.
Yesterday was seriously one of the best days. I know winning small battles doesn't win the war, but it sure makes a girl happy.
First Win Of The Day
Going to the China Consulate is like being transported straight into China because (1) no one speaks English and (2) no one stands in line. Good thing is you don't need either to get shit done... just like in China! Shimmied to the front, handed money, got passport, done. I think I impressed a Chinese grandma that was there because she looked at me with anger, which I interpreted as praise.
Second Win Of The Day
I realized I'm a half-size bigger in Nikes. Both shoes out of stock everywhere. SOL, right? WRONG! The Sales Associate somehow managed to find not one, but BOTH pairs of sickass Nike kicks hiding in the back room. To a runner, new Nikes is better than... yea.
Third Win Of The Day
My subway ride home from NikeTown was considered a transfer since I was there less than two hours. Again, small win but shit. It feels good to save $2.25.
Fourth Win Of The Day
I had the best instructor at SoulCycle. He was gay and he was fabulous.
Instructor: The other day I got super drunk at the airport and decided it'd be fun to flirt with this girl who was sitting by herself and get her number. She ended up giving it to me and I thought, "Heeeeeey, still got it!"
By the way, my team told me they found my blog and read it.
G: Are you upset we found it and read it?
Me: No, I'm flattered. Aren't I funny?
G: You are!
Me: I'm also extremely narcissistic. Anyway, get back to work.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Lessons Learned: A Retrospective Exercise
I spent the past few weeks prepping myself for the start of 2015. And now that it's finally here, I am ready.
I decided to take lessons I learned in previous years and bring them back as core values of 2015.
Lessons from the past...
2005 - first devastating breakup
Be okay with doing things by yourself.
2009 - first backpacking trip
Travel. Travel like your life depended on it.
2011 - Mom's fight with cancer
Put family first. Always.
2012 - most challenging job in history
Do your best at work. Take pride in your effort.
2013 - first marathon
Run. You'll never regret it.
2014 - fourth devastating breakup
Listen to your heart. Even if it's telling you something you don't want to hear.
2015 - the best, most rewarding year of my life
Step up to the challenge. Even in the worst case scenario, you still win.
I clawed my way out of the hole that 2014 left me in and realized that I don't have to be sad, mad, or bitter about anything. I'm going to listen to every lesson I've learned in the past and apply it to 2015. Be independent, travel, invest in family and friends, excel at work, run 1,000 miles, follow and open your heart, and challenge yourself. And love every minute of it.
I decided to take lessons I learned in previous years and bring them back as core values of 2015.
Lessons from the past...
2005 - first devastating breakup
Be okay with doing things by yourself.
2009 - first backpacking trip
Travel. Travel like your life depended on it.
2011 - Mom's fight with cancer
Put family first. Always.
2012 - most challenging job in history
Do your best at work. Take pride in your effort.
2013 - first marathon
Run. You'll never regret it.
2014 - fourth devastating breakup
Listen to your heart. Even if it's telling you something you don't want to hear.
2015 - the best, most rewarding year of my life
Step up to the challenge. Even in the worst case scenario, you still win.
I clawed my way out of the hole that 2014 left me in and realized that I don't have to be sad, mad, or bitter about anything. I'm going to listen to every lesson I've learned in the past and apply it to 2015. Be independent, travel, invest in family and friends, excel at work, run 1,000 miles, follow and open your heart, and challenge yourself. And love every minute of it.
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