Parental Guidance

One of the things I've come to appreciate more so lately than in my earlier years is the fact that my parents are in a loving and happy marriage. We've all heard of ACODs (Adult Children of Divorce) and how there's no point in defining a club around it because most of the adult population fall into that bucket - so I find it a privilege to have parents who act like they're still in the dating/honeymoon phase of their relationship.

As a side note, this also makes it very important for me to be able to joke around, be silly, and be completely myself around my significant other - and I have... to those who really spend real time with me... a very particular sense of humor.

Anyway, every time I spend time with my parents, 90% of it is spent laughing. Here are a few snippets from the weekend - I didn't include the adventures my mom and I had at the Korean spa. Let's just say from now on, every visit to LA will include a trip to the Korean spa.

Dad: Your mom put gas in the car.
Me: WHAT?! YOU DID??
Mom: Why is that so surprising?
Me: Because you NEVER put gas in the car.
Mom: It's not like I don't know how. I'm normally too busy.
Me: That's not true!
Mom: Your dad just puts gas in the car before I have a chance.
Me: Mmhmm.
Mom: And this one time I had people in the car. And the light turned on. And they pressured me to get gas.
Me: Well, Mom. It's been about 20 years so good for you.

Dad: Guys know right away whether or not he wants to marry a girl or just date her.
Mom: That's not true. Sometimes he needs to be shaken into it.
Dad: Have you even ever dated anyone? How do you know?
Mom: Sure, I have.
Dad: WHAT?!? You told me you never dated anyone before me!
Mom: You really think I entered into a marriage without ever having dated anyone before?
Dad: I've been deceived for over thirty years...
Mom: You're the one who almost married someone else before me.
Dad: I won't deny that, but at least I was honest about it!
Mom: Every girl understates how many guys she's dated to the guy she's going to marry.
Dad: Connie, my point is, I knew I was going to marry your mom immediately.
Me: Both of you have just blown my mind with these confessions...

Mom: We're not supposed to eat bread.
Me: What? Why not?
Mom: Because it has a bacteria that slowly kills us.
Me: Well, we can't survive without bread.
Mom: Normal people can't. But I'm special so I have to be careful what I eat.
Me: That's what we call a first world problem.
Dad: What does that mean?
Me: You know, third world is like Africa. First world is more developed.
Dad: What's second world?
Mom: We must live in the second world.
Me: NO, Mom. We do NOT live in the second world.

Mom: You want to eat this sweet potato?
Me: Okay. Wait, why did you boil it? It tastes better baked.
Mom: It's bad for you if it's baked.
Me: Isn't it the same thing??
Dad: Your Mom will do anything if someone says its healthier.
Me: If you give me a thousand dollars everyday, it'll make you healthier.
Dad: Oh, because that'll make us happy. And happiness releases endorphins?
Me: Sure. Let's go with that.
Mom: Fine, I'll bake your sweet potato. You and your strong opinion.

Me: I'm going to blog about you, Mom.
Mom: WHAT? On the Internet?!?
Me: Yes.
Mom: NO!
Me: But you're so funny.
Mom: What if my friends read it and make fun of me.
Me: Mom, I doubt your friends read my blog.
Mom: Honey! Connie's going to blog about me. About how I don't know how to put gas in the car.
Dad: I'm proud of you. You put gas in the car and made it onto Connie's blog.
Mom: [whisper] Actually, I didn't do it. Someone else in the car put gas in my car.
Me: OMG. You lied to Dad.
Mom: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Let the Vegas countdown begin...

I spent the beginning of my morning writing emails to syndicate upcoming plans with my girlfriends - because when you know you have an insane work month ahead of you, it helps to know you're going to Vegas soon.

Here is the email I sent about aforementioned trip to Vegas.

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LADIES -

Shit is getting real. And I hope you have a juice cleanse scheduled at some point during the next 3 weeks because we're going to be practically naked for the entire weekend. It's a rule, not a suggestion.

FLIGHTS: C and I are flying in on Friday night and out early on Sunday - if we make our flights, which we have an 80% chance of doing...

RIDES FROM LA: The LA girls are orchestrating cars from LA so I put T in charge of that lead. I saw some emails back-n-forth so I'm assuming it's under control.

HOTELS: [J - ACTION REQUIRED] - update us on if this is taken care of; otherwise, I will delegate to the next in command (aka C)

CLUBS: [L - ACTION REQUIRED] - hope your husband doesn't disappoint. I request XS and EBC - I am okay with paying money for either, just as long as it's not a ton because I'm poor now that I work at a start-up.

MONEY: If you all pay for stuff along the way, don't be shy and let me know so that I can make sure we collect and evenly distribute. This is so that no one gets mad when I eat all the cheetos - someone buy cheetos.

Confirm that you're coming because at this point, I'm assuming all of you are.

P.S. This weekend is also S's XXX birthday celebration. Dare I say... CHIPPENDALES!??!? YES!!!

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Here are some of the responses I got:

D: I LOVE FLAMING HOT CHEETOS

S: You're not poor.