He's skinnier than you
Unless you're a total gigantoid whale-sized of a girl, at which point you probably shouldn't have a list at all. But anyway, without going into too much detail, there will be a time and place when this matters - mostly in situations where lifting you will be beneficial. That's all I'll say about that.
He doesn't appreciate a good cat gif
Here's my favorite one.
He doesn't know who Nelson Mandela was
T: Yea, and he didn't seem that bright.
Me: How could you tell?
T: He didn't know who Nelson Mandela was?
Me: Stop.
T: I said, "You know, the 'I have a dream' guy"... just to be funny. And he said, "Oh, that sounds familiar."
Me: STOP.
T: So he didn't seem that bright.
Me: T, he was retarded.
He doesn't drink whiskey
At a certain point in my life, I became a whiskey drinker. And with that habit came an undeniable pretentiousness that I actually appreciate in fellow whiskey drinkers.
Two years ago...
C: I drink whiskey neat.
Me: ... the fuck?
C: What's wrong with that?
Me: Nothing... if you're an old white Republican.
Last weekend...
C: What do you want me to bring?
Me: A bottle of whiskey.
C: Seriously?
Me: Bring the good stuff. I'm not fucking around.
He doesn't drink
I don't trust people who don't drink. I feel like they're afraid the truth might come out when they're drunk. Which means they're constantly lying. Which means they can go ahead and leave my life.
There are a whole bunch more, but I didn't want to start sounding preachy. Oh, and I disliked Valentine's Day even when I was in a relationship. So this has nothing to do with that. That's the story and I'm sticking to it.
No comments:
Post a Comment