"Today is the best day of my life!!!"
I shouted that in the middle of NikeTown when the Sales Associate handed me a pair of shoes that I for sure thought was sold out. I even gave her a hug.
Yesterday was seriously one of the best days. I know winning small battles doesn't win the war, but it sure makes a girl happy.
First Win Of The Day
Going to the China Consulate is like being transported straight into China because (1) no one speaks English and (2) no one stands in line. Good thing is you don't need either to get shit done... just like in China! Shimmied to the front, handed money, got passport, done. I think I impressed a Chinese grandma that was there because she looked at me with anger, which I interpreted as praise.
Second Win Of The Day
I realized I'm a half-size bigger in Nikes. Both shoes out of stock everywhere. SOL, right? WRONG! The Sales Associate somehow managed to find not one, but BOTH pairs of sickass Nike kicks hiding in the back room. To a runner, new Nikes is better than... yea.
Third Win Of The Day
My subway ride home from NikeTown was considered a transfer since I was there less than two hours. Again, small win but shit. It feels good to save $2.25.
Fourth Win Of The Day
I had the best instructor at SoulCycle. He was gay and he was fabulous.
Instructor: The other day I got super drunk at the airport and decided it'd be fun to flirt with this girl who was sitting by herself and get her number. She ended up giving it to me and I thought, "Heeeeeey, still got it!"
By the way, my team told me they found my blog and read it.
G: Are you upset we found it and read it?
Me: No, I'm flattered. Aren't I funny?
G: You are!
Me: I'm also extremely narcissistic. Anyway, get back to work.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Lessons Learned: A Retrospective Exercise
I spent the past few weeks prepping myself for the start of 2015. And now that it's finally here, I am ready.
I decided to take lessons I learned in previous years and bring them back as core values of 2015.
Lessons from the past...
2005 - first devastating breakup
Be okay with doing things by yourself.
2009 - first backpacking trip
Travel. Travel like your life depended on it.
2011 - Mom's fight with cancer
Put family first. Always.
2012 - most challenging job in history
Do your best at work. Take pride in your effort.
2013 - first marathon
Run. You'll never regret it.
2014 - fourth devastating breakup
Listen to your heart. Even if it's telling you something you don't want to hear.
2015 - the best, most rewarding year of my life
Step up to the challenge. Even in the worst case scenario, you still win.
I clawed my way out of the hole that 2014 left me in and realized that I don't have to be sad, mad, or bitter about anything. I'm going to listen to every lesson I've learned in the past and apply it to 2015. Be independent, travel, invest in family and friends, excel at work, run 1,000 miles, follow and open your heart, and challenge yourself. And love every minute of it.
I decided to take lessons I learned in previous years and bring them back as core values of 2015.
Lessons from the past...
2005 - first devastating breakup
Be okay with doing things by yourself.
2009 - first backpacking trip
Travel. Travel like your life depended on it.
2011 - Mom's fight with cancer
Put family first. Always.
2012 - most challenging job in history
Do your best at work. Take pride in your effort.
2013 - first marathon
Run. You'll never regret it.
2014 - fourth devastating breakup
Listen to your heart. Even if it's telling you something you don't want to hear.
2015 - the best, most rewarding year of my life
Step up to the challenge. Even in the worst case scenario, you still win.
I clawed my way out of the hole that 2014 left me in and realized that I don't have to be sad, mad, or bitter about anything. I'm going to listen to every lesson I've learned in the past and apply it to 2015. Be independent, travel, invest in family and friends, excel at work, run 1,000 miles, follow and open your heart, and challenge yourself. And love every minute of it.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
The Wreckage: A Quiet Season
It's been seven days. And I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to need some more time to recover from this one.
The thing that's different this time around is that I really did give this one my all, maybe even more than I knew I had previously. And despite the hurt feelings and disappointment, I don't regret having done so... because I now have no doubts in my abilities to take this kind of risk.
I'm sad, and I'll be sad for a bit longer. I'll cry and replay every incident from the past year wondering if I could've done things differently. But I'll know in my heart of hearts, that there was nothing. I gave it my all. I let down my guard. I opened myself up and was honest about my feelings.
But not all things are meant to be. I'll be woman enough to accept it.
I'm going to give myself a "quiet season" where I go under the radar for a bit to heal and regroup. And hopefully, I'll reemerge a better, stronger version of myself.
The thing that's different this time around is that I really did give this one my all, maybe even more than I knew I had previously. And despite the hurt feelings and disappointment, I don't regret having done so... because I now have no doubts in my abilities to take this kind of risk.
I'm sad, and I'll be sad for a bit longer. I'll cry and replay every incident from the past year wondering if I could've done things differently. But I'll know in my heart of hearts, that there was nothing. I gave it my all. I let down my guard. I opened myself up and was honest about my feelings.
But not all things are meant to be. I'll be woman enough to accept it.
I'm going to give myself a "quiet season" where I go under the radar for a bit to heal and regroup. And hopefully, I'll reemerge a better, stronger version of myself.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
America's Next Top Roommate
My roommate is moving out in a few weeks - so now I have the privilege of finding a new co-inhabitant in my fancy San Francisco digs. Given I have found a place to live my fair share of times on Craigslist, I've become some sort of elitist when it comes to posting publicly.
J: Did you post on Craigslist?
Me: Oh, God, no.
J: Why not?
Me: I could not be bothered to filter out crackheads and perverts.
J: Where are you posting, then?
Me: Through Google and other tech internal forums. At least they do the prelim background searches for you, and if shit hits the fan, you can start some office gossip to ruin their lives.
J: Really thought this through.
Me: Yup.
Through both my roommate and my networks, we managed to find four viable candidates. The choice will be made by the end of today. Exciting, I know.
1 - The Young Blood: (6/10)
You know those kids on Silicon Valley who look like they're 18-years-old, but write intense code on some platform we don't even know how to pronounce? Yea, that's this girl. She looks young, but I know with certainty that she is part of the Engineering team somewhere. And you know how they are - they won't even share the free yogurt in their special fridge.
YB: Is there a nightlife around here?
Me: No, we're in SoMa.
YB: Where do you hang out?
Me: It embarrasses me how I don't know how to answer your question.
YB: What do you do at Google?
Me: Sales operations.
YB: Oh... (super judgmentally)
2 - Aussie Cat Lady (8/10)
She didn't bother to tell me anything about herself, but sent me about a dozen pictures of her two cats. She gets major points for being pretty, though, and also, given she's an Aussie, I'm hoping I can learn how to imitate the Aussie accent without offending her too much.
3 - Golden Retriever Girl (9/10)
She introduced herself by sending me her blog and let me just say, it's FANTASTIC. She's a UX/UI designer, which means after she decorates this apartment, I'll feel like I died and woke up in Room&Board heaven. I'm sort of looking forward to that.
Me: I'm leaning towards the girl with the Golden Retriever.
Temm: You can't pick a roommate based on their pet.
Me: But it's been my dream to have a roommate with a dog!
4 - Fobby Korean (9/10)
I got this referral through church. Background story, I had a roommate back in college I met through church and she ended up stealing my identify AND my favorite pair of jeans. I've been scarred. But this girl just gave up her return offer to McK and went to Stanford GSB. That speaks monuments about her character - in a good way, for those who are unclear.
FK: I'm joining a start-up so I'll be working really late nights.
Me: I watch Korean dramas so I have really late nights too.
FK: Oh, I can watch Korean dramas with you.
Me: This... might work.
We'll see what happens. I'm sad to lose my roommate to the Marina (seriously, who moves from SoMa to the Marina - that's like taking a pay cut to go from McK to Google... oh, wait). But I'm also thankful that I have some great people who are actually interested in living with me. They have no idea how weird I can get.
J: Did you post on Craigslist?
Me: Oh, God, no.
J: Why not?
Me: I could not be bothered to filter out crackheads and perverts.
J: Where are you posting, then?
Me: Through Google and other tech internal forums. At least they do the prelim background searches for you, and if shit hits the fan, you can start some office gossip to ruin their lives.
J: Really thought this through.
Me: Yup.
Through both my roommate and my networks, we managed to find four viable candidates. The choice will be made by the end of today. Exciting, I know.
1 - The Young Blood: (6/10)
You know those kids on Silicon Valley who look like they're 18-years-old, but write intense code on some platform we don't even know how to pronounce? Yea, that's this girl. She looks young, but I know with certainty that she is part of the Engineering team somewhere. And you know how they are - they won't even share the free yogurt in their special fridge.
YB: Is there a nightlife around here?
Me: No, we're in SoMa.
YB: Where do you hang out?
Me: It embarrasses me how I don't know how to answer your question.
YB: What do you do at Google?
Me: Sales operations.
YB: Oh... (super judgmentally)
2 - Aussie Cat Lady (8/10)
She didn't bother to tell me anything about herself, but sent me about a dozen pictures of her two cats. She gets major points for being pretty, though, and also, given she's an Aussie, I'm hoping I can learn how to imitate the Aussie accent without offending her too much.
3 - Golden Retriever Girl (9/10)
She introduced herself by sending me her blog and let me just say, it's FANTASTIC. She's a UX/UI designer, which means after she decorates this apartment, I'll feel like I died and woke up in Room&Board heaven. I'm sort of looking forward to that.
Me: I'm leaning towards the girl with the Golden Retriever.
Temm: You can't pick a roommate based on their pet.
Me: But it's been my dream to have a roommate with a dog!
4 - Fobby Korean (9/10)
I got this referral through church. Background story, I had a roommate back in college I met through church and she ended up stealing my identify AND my favorite pair of jeans. I've been scarred. But this girl just gave up her return offer to McK and went to Stanford GSB. That speaks monuments about her character - in a good way, for those who are unclear.
FK: I'm joining a start-up so I'll be working really late nights.
Me: I watch Korean dramas so I have really late nights too.
FK: Oh, I can watch Korean dramas with you.
Me: This... might work.
We'll see what happens. I'm sad to lose my roommate to the Marina (seriously, who moves from SoMa to the Marina - that's like taking a pay cut to go from McK to Google... oh, wait). But I'm also thankful that I have some great people who are actually interested in living with me. They have no idea how weird I can get.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Goodbye to an old friend
Ten years and ten months. It's the longest relationship I've ever been in, and quite frankly, the most drama-free, functional, reliable one I've been in thus far. Today, that relationship came to an end, and all I keep thinking is...
I ain't shedding a tear!
Goodbye, TicTac. You were a wonderful car and you've followed me from Berkeley, Los Angeles, Chicago, back to Los Angeles, and to your final resting place in San Francisco. Sorry for leaving you outside when it was hailing, for spilling boba on your seats, and for ignoring that weird faucet light that supposedly warned me about something engine-related. You were a good friend, but I won't miss you. Because you were a ddong cha (poop car).
On December 21, 2003, I bought my very first car. From the entire experience, I realized my decision-making is a simple model driven mostly by how easily I'm able to be manipulated by my dad.
Flashback to December 2003...
Me: Dad, I need a car.
Dad: Okay, what car do you want?
Me: I want a superfly BMW 3-series.
Dad: I'll double whatever you have for the down payment, and pay for your monthly payments until the day you graduate. After that, the rest of the payments are on you. So choose wisely.
Me: ... Okay, I'll get an Acura RSX.
Flashback to May 2005...
Dad: Give me back my credit card and car payments start now.
Me: I don't even get a grace period?!
Dad: No. You had plenty of time.
Flashback to May 2007...
Mom: I'm sorry.
Me: For what?
Mom: I drove your car today.
Me: And?
Mom: And I realized you have a really crappy car.
Dad: Don't tell her that, she'll believe you. Connie, you have a nice car.
Flashback to September 2009...
Me: I want a new car.
Dad: Whatever new car you get is not going on my insurance. You can keep your current car on my insurance for as long as you have it, though.
Me: Huh.
Dad: Do you still want a new car?
Me: Nope.
Flashback to June 2011...
Me: I want a new car.
Dad: Whatever new car you get is not going on my insurance.
Me: Why is this still working on me?!?
Flashback to June 2014...
Me: I want a new car.
Dad: Whatever new car you get is not going on my insurance.
Me: I don't care! I don't care! It's embarrassing to drive this ddong cha!
Flashback to July 2014...
Me: Dad, I got into a car accident.
Dad: Congratulations!
Me: What?
Dad: Wait, are you hurt?
Me: No.
Dad: Was it your fault?
Me: No.
Dad: Congratulations! You said you wanted a new car. This is great!
Me: I... guess...
Dad: Oh, and I'm going to cancel your insurance.
I ain't shedding a tear!
Goodbye, TicTac. You were a wonderful car and you've followed me from Berkeley, Los Angeles, Chicago, back to Los Angeles, and to your final resting place in San Francisco. Sorry for leaving you outside when it was hailing, for spilling boba on your seats, and for ignoring that weird faucet light that supposedly warned me about something engine-related. You were a good friend, but I won't miss you. Because you were a ddong cha (poop car).
On December 21, 2003, I bought my very first car. From the entire experience, I realized my decision-making is a simple model driven mostly by how easily I'm able to be manipulated by my dad.
Flashback to December 2003...
Me: Dad, I need a car.
Dad: Okay, what car do you want?
Me: I want a superfly BMW 3-series.
Dad: I'll double whatever you have for the down payment, and pay for your monthly payments until the day you graduate. After that, the rest of the payments are on you. So choose wisely.
Me: ... Okay, I'll get an Acura RSX.
Flashback to May 2005...
Dad: Give me back my credit card and car payments start now.
Me: I don't even get a grace period?!
Dad: No. You had plenty of time.
Flashback to May 2007...
Mom: I'm sorry.
Me: For what?
Mom: I drove your car today.
Me: And?
Mom: And I realized you have a really crappy car.
Dad: Don't tell her that, she'll believe you. Connie, you have a nice car.
Flashback to September 2009...
Me: I want a new car.
Dad: Whatever new car you get is not going on my insurance. You can keep your current car on my insurance for as long as you have it, though.
Me: Huh.
Dad: Do you still want a new car?
Me: Nope.
Flashback to June 2011...
Me: I want a new car.
Dad: Whatever new car you get is not going on my insurance.
Me: Why is this still working on me?!?
Flashback to June 2014...
Me: I want a new car.
Dad: Whatever new car you get is not going on my insurance.
Me: I don't care! I don't care! It's embarrassing to drive this ddong cha!
Flashback to July 2014...
Me: Dad, I got into a car accident.
Dad: Congratulations!
Me: What?
Dad: Wait, are you hurt?
Me: No.
Dad: Was it your fault?
Me: No.
Dad: Congratulations! You said you wanted a new car. This is great!
Me: I... guess...
Dad: Oh, and I'm going to cancel your insurance.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
To my dad on his birthday...
Dear Dad,
Happy 65th Birthday! I know I may not have turned out exactly how you thought I would, but thanks for always making me think I did. Now, in honor of your birthday... a list of thoughts!
Top 10 reasons I am thankful that you're my dad...
1. You laugh at your own jokes - you taught me that it's important to never take yourself so seriously. And the hamburger joke will live on... forever.
2. You do my laundry - you always try to find ways to help me, and if it's midnight, I have a flight to catch the next morning, and realize I don't have any clean running shorts for my trip, you're the one who stays up to make sure my laundry is ready and in my bag by the time I wake up. And only when I unpack my bags do I notice what you did for me.
3. You never do a half-ass job - you told me that no one forces you to do anything and that if you don't want to do something, don't do it. But if you decide to spend time and energy dedicated to one thing, do it with a smile and a whole heart. Or don't do it at all.
4. You always let me eat ice cream - never have you ever denied me ice cream. Treats before piano lessons. Snacks after tennis practice. On the way home from work. That's all I need to say about that.
5. You think everything I do is the best - when I didn't get into my first choice for college, you never once told me I failed. Instead, you told me that Berkeley had all of a sudden turned into the best college in the universe. And that they were lucky to have me. And still, everything I do seems to be the best something in the universe. And it's in the moments of my lowest self-esteem, I believe you.
6. You trust me - when I needed to pay off my school loans because they were killing me, you gave me your life's savings. Didn't blink. Didn't flinch. Didn't even ask for anything in return. Because you knew I wouldn't let you down or do you wrong.
7. You tell me you love me - Korean dads are notorious for never saying 'I love you'. But you are never afraid to show your emotions. And I know you mean it every time you say it.
8. You love Mom even when she's crazy - you make it impossible to find someone to love me the way you love Mom. But you also make me believe that the kind of love that feels new and fresh and forever does exist.... even when Mom pretends like she doesn't know how to put gas in the car and you do it for her without having to be asked.
9. You always take my side - when a boy breaks my heart, I've never seen anyone as unforgiving as you. It's endearing how well you wish harm upon someone whom you claimed you liked moments before he broke my heart. That's loyalty.
10. You're not perfect - you told me that you know you have flaws, that you could be better to Mom, that you could have tried harder in life and been more successful, but that when you realized your greatest accomplishments were your kids, you knew that God gives gifts to the imperfect as motivation to always try to be better. And I've tried my whole life to live up to that title.
If I find someone who loves me half as much as you do, I think I'll be alright.
Your mangneh,
Connie
Happy 65th Birthday! I know I may not have turned out exactly how you thought I would, but thanks for always making me think I did. Now, in honor of your birthday... a list of thoughts!
Top 10 reasons I am thankful that you're my dad...
1. You laugh at your own jokes - you taught me that it's important to never take yourself so seriously. And the hamburger joke will live on... forever.
2. You do my laundry - you always try to find ways to help me, and if it's midnight, I have a flight to catch the next morning, and realize I don't have any clean running shorts for my trip, you're the one who stays up to make sure my laundry is ready and in my bag by the time I wake up. And only when I unpack my bags do I notice what you did for me.
3. You never do a half-ass job - you told me that no one forces you to do anything and that if you don't want to do something, don't do it. But if you decide to spend time and energy dedicated to one thing, do it with a smile and a whole heart. Or don't do it at all.
4. You always let me eat ice cream - never have you ever denied me ice cream. Treats before piano lessons. Snacks after tennis practice. On the way home from work. That's all I need to say about that.
5. You think everything I do is the best - when I didn't get into my first choice for college, you never once told me I failed. Instead, you told me that Berkeley had all of a sudden turned into the best college in the universe. And that they were lucky to have me. And still, everything I do seems to be the best something in the universe. And it's in the moments of my lowest self-esteem, I believe you.
6. You trust me - when I needed to pay off my school loans because they were killing me, you gave me your life's savings. Didn't blink. Didn't flinch. Didn't even ask for anything in return. Because you knew I wouldn't let you down or do you wrong.
7. You tell me you love me - Korean dads are notorious for never saying 'I love you'. But you are never afraid to show your emotions. And I know you mean it every time you say it.
8. You love Mom even when she's crazy - you make it impossible to find someone to love me the way you love Mom. But you also make me believe that the kind of love that feels new and fresh and forever does exist.... even when Mom pretends like she doesn't know how to put gas in the car and you do it for her without having to be asked.
9. You always take my side - when a boy breaks my heart, I've never seen anyone as unforgiving as you. It's endearing how well you wish harm upon someone whom you claimed you liked moments before he broke my heart. That's loyalty.
10. You're not perfect - you told me that you know you have flaws, that you could be better to Mom, that you could have tried harder in life and been more successful, but that when you realized your greatest accomplishments were your kids, you knew that God gives gifts to the imperfect as motivation to always try to be better. And I've tried my whole life to live up to that title.
If I find someone who loves me half as much as you do, I think I'll be alright.
Your mangneh,
Connie
Sunday, August 10, 2014
A Girl Growing Up
I think I have masochistic tendencies.
After waking up for the trillionth time with anxiety, that's the conclusion I came to.
N: I kind of hate SF so far. Is that normal?
Me: Oh, that's totally normal. I'm six months in and I've just started not to hate it.
N: I can't imagine not hating it at this point.
Me: It gets better.
Let me be clear. I don't hate San Francisco. It just makes me feel very uncomfortable to be here.
Rewind to the beginning of the year. I had this bright idea to surround myself with challenges in order to become a stronger, more grounded person.
Back in LA, I fell into a routine with friends and family that made me feel like complacency was settling in. As a youth, I thought being complacent meant you weren't driven to reach higher.
I didn't realize I might be tired of reaching.
What happened was unanticipated.
It's like being thrown into an ocean and told to swim. You have no idea which direction you're supposed to be swimming in, but you know that you need to keep going. And all you really need is that one buoy. It doesn't have to be grounded to anything or be all that sturdy. It just has to exist so that even though you find yourself in an ocean, at least you know you can hold onto something. And figure shit out.
I guess for me, I need to figure out what that buoy is. Before I drown.
After waking up for the trillionth time with anxiety, that's the conclusion I came to.
N: I kind of hate SF so far. Is that normal?
Me: Oh, that's totally normal. I'm six months in and I've just started not to hate it.
N: I can't imagine not hating it at this point.
Me: It gets better.
Let me be clear. I don't hate San Francisco. It just makes me feel very uncomfortable to be here.
Rewind to the beginning of the year. I had this bright idea to surround myself with challenges in order to become a stronger, more grounded person.
Back in LA, I fell into a routine with friends and family that made me feel like complacency was settling in. As a youth, I thought being complacent meant you weren't driven to reach higher.
I didn't realize I might be tired of reaching.
What happened was unanticipated.
It's like being thrown into an ocean and told to swim. You have no idea which direction you're supposed to be swimming in, but you know that you need to keep going. And all you really need is that one buoy. It doesn't have to be grounded to anything or be all that sturdy. It just has to exist so that even though you find yourself in an ocean, at least you know you can hold onto something. And figure shit out.
I guess for me, I need to figure out what that buoy is. Before I drown.
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